Archive for 2011


Happiness is not a destination.
Thinking that some day we will be happy,
that is making happiness a destination.
Happiness is a mood.
A condition.
Not a destination
It's like being tired or hungry.
It comes and goes and that's ok.
It's ok to be a little hungry sometimes.
It's ok to be unhappy for a little bit sometimes,
but not for too long.
Too long is starving.
Too long is unhealthy.
Just like being hungry for too long.

my timing is off.

sometimes being one person in hard.
im going home tomorrow.
a much needed trip home.
i really like euphemisms and idioms,
though most times i cant remember how they go.
i'm reading Walden for the hundredth time.
"Perhaps we should never procure a new suit, however ragged or dirty the old, until we have so conducted, so enterprised or sailed in some way, that we feel like new men in the old, and that to retain it would be like keeping new wine in old bottles. Our moulting season, like that of the fowls, must be a crisis in our lives"
today it snowed. and it stuck to the ground.
today was also my last day as a waitress.
packing a suit case is hard.
partly because, really, who knows what im going to want to wear next week, let alone tomorrow.
i listend to this talk to day
just what i needed.
i drank too much baja blast at taco bell and currently feel ill.


This is what I am doing for the next four weeks.
I have been thinking a lot about detoxing my mind, body, and soul.
its been a rough year for me.
and not because of anything huge,
just a lot of little things, that add up to one. big. heavy. heart.
i stumbled upon this little 28 day plan.
i think not.


im missing this boy today

and this one


I am trying so hard to follow this little saying lately. 
But seriously, 
10 days
20 days,
32 days.
i am counting down, and trying to make the days count.


this is me lately.

Recent Favs.

Here are my recent favorite "Im a Mormon" messages.

Ranger Doug

The Ranger Doug Enterprise  has a series of post cards for the national parks. I love them so much, and want to own all of them.


Have you ever stared at one word long enough, that you start to think that its a different word? Or that it doesn't really mean what you thought it meant? Or that, maybe that is not how it's spelled?
I've over thought the word "why" this week. And I don't mean the big "whys" that some people have like "why are we here?" and what not. But why, as in why me? why now? why not to that person? Just little "whys."

people or souls.

at this moment there are 7,004,469,939 people in the world.
some, are running scared.
some, are coming home.
some tell lies to make it through the day.
some, wont face truths.
some are evil, at war with good.
some are good, struggling with evil.
7,004,469,939 people in the world,
7,004,469,939 souls.

Landlocked blues

"And the world's got me dizzy again
You think after 22 years I'd be used to the spin
And it only feels worse when I stay in one place
So I'm always pacing around or walking away"

Some things dont matter, but theyre fun to look at.

Charlotte Taylor's Spring Collection 2012


Last Words.

I have a thing for last words.
When getting out of a car, I feel the need to give the driver a few lats words.
You know, to make sure they understand how thankful i am for the ride, how much fun i had, how much i hated what ever we know, what ever it may be.
Same with on the phone.
I feel like I need to be the last one to say good bye.
I don't know if this has some psychological tie to it, I'm sure it does.
But I also love knowing what peoples last words are.
Like, people who are dead.

Like Tom "Black Jack" Ketchum.
Died 1901. He was a gang member and a notorious train robber. He was comrades with Butch Cassidy and a wanted cowboy. He was captured and sentenced to death by hanging. His executioner tied the rope poorly which then resulted in Ketchum being decapitated. sick, right? Before he was pushed off the platform he laughed and said

"I'll be in hell before breakfast-let her rip!"

Or Charlie Chaplin, 1977
I priest giving counseling while on his death bad said to him "May the Lord have mercy on your soul."
Chaplin shrugged and said

"Why not? After all, it belongs to him."

And Jane Austen, 1817
When asked by her sister if there was anything she wanted

"Nothing but death."

Last one (for now)
John Adams, 1826
"Thomas Jefferson, still survives..."
Jefferson had actually died earlier that same day...

We Are Less Than We Suppose

"This is a paradox of man: compared to God, man is nothing; yet we are everything to God." 

In Fine

there’s always a starting point.
everything has one, even a day.
a moment
when the sun seperates
from the earth,
and returns to the stars.
there’s always a beginning,
a first breath,
a blossom,
a scream,
a look,
a touch,
a kiss.
a spark,
a point of orgin.
but what happens
when the sun decends
beneath the waves?
what happens
when we taste our last breath?
there’s always a beginning,
everything has one, even the end.
-The Dust Dances Too.

With a little help

I like things that make me feel something.
Things that make me feel like I am alive.
And not just the good feelings,
I like to feel all kinds of feelings.
I'm really good at it too.
If I see someone walking down the street that seems less fortunate than I,
I feel the instant need to help.
And when I dont help, it makes me feel sick almost.
Sometimes, when the Joe Cocker version of With a Little Help From My Friends comes on
as the theme song for The Wonder Years, it makes me want to cry.
And every time, I want to cry for a different reason.
Whether its something going on in the show, thinking about my own friends, or just  his voice.
One of my favorite things is when I'm listening to a recording, and the artist makes a tiny mistake that I can hear.
It helps me understand that the person on the other end of the speaker is real.
And they have feelings.
Like I have feelings.
And we've felt near the same things, but never exactly the same.
Last night I rode the Salt Lake Express to American Falls, Idaho.
Have you ever been in a strange place at 2:00 in the morning?
It's liberating.
I found a mini box of Nerds and Banana Laffy Taffy (the best kind) under my pillow.
It is, in a way comforting to know that if I get hungry, or even just want a snack in the middle of the night, I have one waiting under my head.

Think, Thinking, Thought.

I've been thinking. A lot. And reading. A lot. 
My brain works 5478934 miles an hour. 
I have a hard time focusing on one thing for any amount of time.
Because of this I could never be a writer.
But I love that other people write.
I've been the "bad guy" lately. But only because I've been standing up for things that I believe in, and I thought the people I was with believed in also. Its funny how that all works sometimes...

But because of me having to be the "bad guy," I've found more time to read. So here are some things I have been reading lately that I really enjoy.

"We are important and our lives are important, magnificent really, and their details are worthy to be recorded.  This is how writers must think, this is how we must sit down with pen in hand.  We were here; we are human beings; this is how we lived.  Let it be known, the earth passed before us.  Our details are important.  Otherwise, if they are not, we can drop a bomb and it doesn't matter."  
--Natalie Goldberg; Writing Down the Bones

"They danced down the streets like dingle dodies, and I shambled after as I've been doing all my life after people who interest me, because the only people for me are the mad ones, the ones who are mad to live, mad to talk, mad to be saved, desirous of everything at the same time, the ones who never yawn or say a commonplace thing, but burn, burn, burn like fabulous yellow roman candles exploding like spiders across the stars and in the middle you see the blue center light pop and everybody goes "Awww!"
-Jack Kerouac; On The Road
"Character is doing the right thing when nobody's looking.  There are too many people who think that the only thing that's right is to get by, and the only thing that's wrong is to get caught." 
-J.C. Watts

"I think that if I ever have kids, and they are upset, I won't tell them that people are starving in China or anything like that because it wouldn't change the fact that they were upset. And even if somebody else has it much worse, that doesn't really change the fact that you have what you have.
Maybe it's good to put things in perspective, but sometimes, I think that the only perspective is to really be there. Like Sam sad. Because it's okay to feel things. And be who you are about them."
-Stephen Chbosky; The Perks of Being a Wallflower

An Affair to Remember.

Terry McKay: What makes life so difficult? 
Nickie Ferrante: People. 

Kenneth Bradley: I really hope you've found happiness, and if you're ever in need of anything, like someone to love you, don't hesitate to call me. 

weak end.

This weekend we went to Boise. I only have one picture from that trip....

But it was fun. Tom and Ford went to the BSU game and Vickie and I just played in the city.
Today Aaron, Ryan, and I went to Teton Valley. This is what it was like: 

Seriously Rexburg?


Its only October 6th and this is what we get. 

Latest Happenings.

Free cotton candy in IF

Apple Picking in the campus orchard.

Potluck with the gang.

Corsair Wolves
Taco Bell



So Vickie and I moved out of an apartment with a total of 6 girls in to a one bedroom in downtown Rexburg above the Thai place. 
I love living here so much. Here are some cell phone photos of our living space. We ll except for the bedroom which is still being put together.


This one time

We decided to go camping but we forgot to really prepare...
we didn't take food.
we forgot the tent poles.
we didn't have paper for a fire....
but we did have a great time.
and we made things work.
Shoe laces tied together can hold a tent tied to a tree up really well.
and 3X5 note card can help start a fire just as well as news paper.
But one thing we did learn is that sleeping with your head going down hill is a bad idea...

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