last night something strange happened.
we were laying in bed.
me with a book in hand
garrett with a book in hand.
and garrett says
"where did you get this book?"
it was desolation angels by kerouac (one of my all time favorites, and garretts too.)
i said i don't know.
and kept reading my book.
but he kept pushing it
"but think hard, where did you get this book?"
i said i don't know, amazon, di, some where books are cheap.
but he STILL pushed it.
"ok, just think really hard. when and where did you get this book?"
"and did you do all of these writings in it?"
i told him i honestly don't remember where i got the book.
mostly likely at di in rexburg a few years ago.
and then he said
"this is my book!"
"i let an ex girlfriend read it and i was so mad when i never got it back."
"i wrote in this book, theses are my writings."
boom baby.
i bought my husbands favorite book back for him with out even knowing it was his or that he was going to be my husband.

garrett just wrote his take on find his beloved book again Here.

I've been looking at homes in the area that we can potentially afford in the near future.
I would take any of these and be perfectly happy.

last night we attended garretts work party.
it was 10 minutes down the road but due to rush hour and bad weather it took us an hour and a half to get there.
but that hour and a half was well worth it.
he is so blessed to work with such a good group of people.
we had dinner at the fanciest restaurant either one of us have ever been too.
(think $40 a plate and options like Bison, Lamb, Elk, etc)
garrett and ryan played some christmas tunes.
all of the wives got a kindle fire hd... (say whaat? yeah i thought it was a prank at first.)
i had the best cheese cake of my life.
but one of my favorite parts was when one of the owners showed a mormon message.
this mormon message:



also, i really like this blog post by old gary
THIS ONE.

so the christmas show happened.
for having so little time to prepare for it, the show went really well.
and i even got roped into being in the band.
west memphis opened up and they nailed it.

Once upon a time i was in a family and child advocacy class.
it was definitely in my top 5 favorite classes i have ever taken.
in that class we talked a lot about why some people believe in not having children.
why people are scared to have children.
and why people should have children.
i ended up writing a very large paper on this topic and would often discuss it and research about it with a professor.
the other day he emailed me this video.
and its pretty good.

for the past few years rexburg has been the home of many of my thin places.
(the term thin places comes from celtic spirituality) 
thin places meaning a place where the boundary between heaven and earth is especially thin. 
i think of them as my own holy grounds tucked in my own little corners of my own little world. 
the secret places i would go on my own and have those aha moments and my eyes opened wide.

this weekend when we were in rexburg it seemed old, tired, and distant.
and cold, very cold.
i went to one of my thin places, 
(off the bike bath, down the bank, under the bridge)
i sat there for a while and realized my thin places have changed and moved.
but im not sure where they are at now.

lately life just seems to go go go go go go.
and ive been hard on myself.
i get home from work and i feel like im going to burst into tears.

i havent been to the gym since before deep love
our car hasnt been cleaned since before we moved to salt lake
most days i dont run a brush through my hair
we havent been actual grocery shopping in who knows how long.
my house seems to always be one giant mess.
and a cold mess at that.
we have yet to make any friends here (no time for that) (also, our rexburg friends visit often, so we havent needed to)

between work, church callings, rock operas, christmas programs and life, we havent had time for any of those things above. 
which makes me feel not as bad.

ive been fighting with time, energy, emotion, creativity, and how to allocate these precious resources.

come december 21st life will slow down and i will be okay with that.
(well also be lake side in guatemala and im ok with that too.)
but come february, you will probably find me on here complaining about how boring our life is and the only thing we have to look forward to is summer. 

as you can tell from the pictures below, i spent a lot of time with sal this weekend.
garrett was busy doing christmas bells stuff so i spent the majority of my weekend with sal wondering around rexburg aimlessly. 

the other night as i was falling a sleep i had a sense of panic rush over me.
i asked garrett if he locked the bad guys out.
"yes"
both of them?
"yes. all of them"
(this seems to happen every night. and by both of them i mean both locks. not both bad guys)
i continued to try and fall asleep and then i realized the panic was from what i was thinking about before i asked about the bad guys.

here's the thing.
i married a very, very,VERY talented man.
which is great. on most days.
he writes, does slam poetry, plays music, writes rock operas, and christmas programs, has the most unique voice most people have ever heard, is so kind and sincere, and honestly the list goes on and on.
he is good at any thing and everything he tries. and the first time too.
and his hobbies keep us busy.

today i said "i dont know what i want to do right now."
naturally he suggested "write a rock opera."
like it aint no thing.

this is why i was panicking as i was trying to fall asleep:

1. i realized i no longer have any hobbies.
since school and work have consumed my life for the past 5 years i didnt have time to have hobbies.
i always had a job through college and seemed to always be taking 14-19 credits per semester.
i felt guilty if i did something such as a hobby  instead of spending that time studying.

2. (and my biggest concern)
our kids are going to realize how talented garrett is and say "mom, what can YOU do?!"
and i will have no answers.

so ive been hobby searching.
luckily, this great city of salt lake has lots of opportunists.
im going to try and attend workshops such as a paper flower making class and a cross stitching class.
im currently in the market for a key board so i can bring back some piano skills i once had.
im going to try some new recipes.
maybe take up knitting.
basically at this point, im willing to try anything.
plus, only having a job and not going to school leaves my evenings free.
so i actually have time for fun hobbies!!

my laptop is broken.
my phone is sitting in a bowl of rice.
our cat is as clumsy as i am- meaning he is breaking lots of things.
all of the time.
(which garrett just informed me that my older brother warned him before we got married that we cant have nice things because i will break them.....)
my house is a disaster.
work is a lot right now.
blah blah blah.

so until i get my life in order im just going to dump these photos right here. and not in order.

Deep Love is in full swing and is happening in 2 weeks! (AHHHHHH)
you can see them on the news here:
and here is a commercial they were featured on:

i follow humans of ny on facebook and instagram.
they take a photo of someone and  ask them a question or have a short conversation with them.

i really liked this one the other day.

"I’ve been examining my values lately, and determining whether or not I like the feelings that result from those values."
"What’s an example of one of your values?"
"I’m very competitive."
"And what’s a feeling that results from being competitive?”
"Jealousy."
"How does competitiveness result in jealousy?"
"When you have a competitive mindset, you tend to view the world in terms of winners and losers. So you resent other people getting recognition, because you somehow believe that less recognition is available to you. I’m learning that this is a false mindset. There’s not a fixed amount of success and recognition in the world. So another person’s accomplishments don’t diminish the accomplishments available to you."

we had fast and testimony meeting today since next week is conference.

"i'm sure i'll collect and take the light wonder bombs
to the point in the universe
where sound does end.
it's the back porch of God's summer home.
and it's so quiet here, 
you float.
it feels the way cotton candy tastes.
and i say to Him God, why do i call you God?
and he says, 'because Grand Poohbah would sound ridiculous,'
and i say yes!
i knew you've had a sense of humor.
i saw what you did to phoenix
but God, so many poets have tried to tackle it
ginsberg, corso, and they missed.
what is holy, what is actually holy?"
-derrick brown



it's cold.
overcast.
rainy.
knit sweater and a cup of tea kind of day.

the kind of morning where your bed wont let go of your body.
your animals are snuggled at your feet.
when your alarm goes off, its still dark out.

days like this make me think of certain poems.
like buddy wakefields hurling crowbirds at mockingbars (hope is not a course of action)
and derick browns "a finger, two dots, then me."
and many other emotional and heart wrenching poems.

if you havent heard/read buddy wakefield, go do it.
but here is derrick browns poem.
because its the one that really keeps going through my mind today.
(go ahead and read it at my funeral or something garrett.)

remember when Garrett got a job?
well, he loves it. (phew.)
and they treat him really well.
most days garrett takes me to work at 7:45am on his way to work.
and then he picks me up on his way home from work at 4:00pm.
this system works out really well most of the time.
i do travel all over the valley for work, but most days we just carpool because duh,
wouldnt you rather have someone else drive you around and keep you company?
me too.

the other day i had to be in west jordan at 6:30am
so i took the car.
when i picked garrett up from work i got to see his office!
(which i hadnt seen before.)

i sometimes think that jay is starting to pick up some of sals habits
and is starting to act more like a dog than a cat...

when we first got jay, sal started to "act out" as we would say in my field of work.
he was like a jealous older brother.
which means sal spent a lot of time in his box.

in his what?
yes.
box.
when sal was just a lil guy and would do bad things no matter what we did, it seemed like he still didnt care.
you could pick him up by his scruff and scold him and his tail would still be wagging.
and we didnt want to hit him or anything like that.
so the vet suggested putting a box over him.
his breed has really bad anxiety and doesnt like to be alone.
so when he's in the box one, he's all alone.
and two, he cant see what we are doing and it drives him crazy.

well, since he was acting out and spending more time in the box it got to the point where when he did something he knew he wasnt supposed to do like stick is face in the kitty litter or pin jay down until he was meowing really loud, as soon as i would say "SAL!" he would head straight to his box.
and since he couldnt get the box over his head by himself, he just lays in it.

i wish i could go to any place and instead of saying "no chicken please"
i could say "no gluten please."
that would be really nice.
someone invent that please.

my coworker who sees me snack on dried fruit, nuts, and rice chips all day was asking what we eat, you know, besides snacks?
well honestly, we mainly eat those kinds of snacks.
but when we do cook, we cook things like
Zucchini Fritters (with coconut flour)

and

Zucchini, Black Bean and Rice Skillet (with pink rice)

(obviously we had lots of zucchini from mamma hayes garden.)

we also just bought a tortilla press.
i see loooots of corn tortillas in my future.

we also have a cook book call Small Plates and Sweet Treats 
a COMPLETELY gluten free cookbook with recipes that you would never guess were gluten free.

so really, we are eating pre-tay good.

AND get this.
with all the research ive been doing on gluten lately i learned a lot about the connection between autism and gluten.
and though there are no hard facts as to what/why taking gluten out of the diet of a child who has autism works, for some reason it just does.
i was working with a mother who has a child with autism and nothing seemed to be helping.
i suggested she do a little research about gluten, as well as gave her some of my findings.(along with consulting with her pediatrician of course)
I called her back this morning to see if things were getting any better..
(my job is really great in that we dont just connect families with resources and say "good luck" but we actually call them back and make sure they got what the needed and if not we make sure they do.)
boom baby. it is working.
thank you stupid celiac for making us go gluten free and helping others.

our days have been long.
with short nights.
very short nights.
being an adult is starting to wear on me.
but i guess its good for us since, well you know, were going to be adults for a looong time.
we are blessed with good jobs , and shoot my job is even fulfilling.
(how could it not be when im helping families all day?)
we have families that love us.
animals that adore us.
(at this rate we will have a zoo by Christmas. come visit us, free of admission)
a nice home to lay our heads down in.
we live in a magical city that has adventures waiting for us.
our friends would do anything for us (and us them)
we get to attend a ward where we are needed. (you know how good it feels to be needed.)
we are going strong on not eating gluten, even though it is my weakness.
and you know,
i am in love with my life.
every. single. minute.

Welcome to the Sherwood home.
where every one needs attention.
nobody wants to leave your side.
3 am is play time.
what's your's is theirs
and when you leave for work every morning, they act as if their little worlds have been shattered.